I sit here wondering what happened. I was having casual sex with a co worker and at no point did I think that I would want more. She just wasn’t the girlfriend or wife type even though initially during the chase thought she was. However after sex, I started to notice traits I found unattractive, and lost interest.
Because she is a co workers I couldn’t suddenly go cold turkey and ignore her phone calls and text messages similar to what a lot of people these days tend to do when wanting to end a relationship. So slowly I began to phase her out, slower responses to her phone call and text messages, during conversation my interest in what she was saying would slowly drift.
Eventually she asked me what’s wrong and I brushed it off as “Nothing, I just have a lot on my mind” After 2 weeks she gets the hints and stops trying to interact with me beyond business conversation.
Success! However One day as I am leaving work, I see her jumping in the car of her ex boyfriend. Who in my opinion I believed she left to get involved with me, despite her claims to the opposite.
One the drive home, I started to suddenly gain a little bit more interest back for her. Was I just jealous? No that can’t be it…. I don’t care enough to be jealous.
I think its because now that she is back with her boyfriend she has now crossed back into “I cant he have her so I want her” territory.
So Why is it that we want what we can’t have? even if we don’t really want it.
Perhaps it is that feeling of the challenge or the chase that gives that excitement. To see if we can overcome those challenges and achieve success. A story that is as old as time, similar to Eve’s desire for the forbidden fruit in the bible. It could simply just be ingrained in us.
It could also be the Scarcity principle from economics. In which we crave things that are rare or scarce. Big houses, and expensive cars, Seeing as she is no longer on the “market” her perceived value has increased to me and thus I am slightly interested.
Or finally it can be Psychological Reactance “This is a motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules, or regulations that threaten or eliminate specific behavioral freedoms. Reactance occurs when a person feels that someone or something is taking away his or her choices or limiting the range of alternatives.” – Wikipedia
Whichever one of these reasons it may be. It is not a path I will pursue. I can only acknowledge that it is there, and smile at how the human brain works at times.