Rihanna recently posted an image of her and Chris Brown cuddling in a hotel room. All but Confirming that her and Chris brown have reconcile their differences after the physical abuse Chris brown inflicted on her in the limousine the night of the Grammys. Though most celebrity news, doesn’t make me raise me an eyebrow. This one did just that.
Personally knowing women that have stayed in abusive relationships longer then they should have. The particulars of this specific situation interested me, because though I felt that more than likely they would have gotten back together. Like watching one of my friends in similar situation, I wanted to be positive. To believe the relationship would not have continued. To believe the world is changing for the better.
This may be an extreme case, but I am sure that most men and women have come across a woman that loves jerks. But Why Do Some Women Date abusive men?
In Too Deep
Most abusive relationships don’t start very early in the relationship, otherwise any sane woman would run for the hills because there is no emotion investment yet. The abusive nature starts small, like verbal abuse and escalates. By the time the physical abuse starts, they may have been dating the guy for a long time. This can make breaking up difficult due to the heart break and fear of being alone.
An absent or abusive father may have inflicted scars in her psyche that causes her to view the abusive man as similar light as her father. Causing the association that absent or abusive of a man is a form of love. This causes her to crave his attention and approval. To gain the love of this man in a way makes her feel as if she has achieved the love and approval of her father. This is the weight a father carries by being the first male influence of his daughter’s life.
Coined from one of Freud’s early theories. She feels that he can be fixed. That by staying involved long enough, that he will see the error of his ways. This provides her with the feeling that she can be the one woman that could change this man. Making her feel unique and special.
Clearly a extreme case but in a way a abusive relationship is a form of a challenge. This causes her to feel that this man is more valuable than other men because a happy relationship with him is harder to achieve. Similar to how value is placed on a lot of real world items, in which the rarer or harder the item to achieve the higher the value of that item.
These are some of the reasons why some women like abusive women. To overcome this issue of being attracted to abusive men. It is important to understand why such decisions are made. So that you know where to look within yourself and what needs to be corrected.