She looks out you with those beautiful blue eyes. You can see worry in them, her hands that you are holding are slightly sweaty. Then her words come out, ” I love you”. You panic, afraid of losing her. You reply ” I love you too”. Though it is not true, everything seems great now.
How often have you lied about an “I love you” ? Better how many times have you lied to the one you love?
Why do people lie?
These are questions that constantly run through some people’s mind. If you love someone honesty is a requirement, for a happy relationship. In the long run, I absolutely agree but in the short-term the reason we lie in relationships is because well…it works.
We sometimes lie to the person that we love because of the fear of hurting their feelings. They are dear to our hearts and the last thing we want to do is to hurt that person . The lie may come around one day and cause more severe damage but humans live in the present.
Instant gratification is a major part of our thought process. We love fast food, medication that quickly relieve our symptoms. As soon as credit is gained, it is spent. Because all in the moment it feels good. Though there is nothing wrong with the idea of instant gratification in it self. The issue lies in the fact that it is not always realistic and can cause much larger problems in the end.
Our image of ourselves is the most important thing to us. This image drives a great deal of our decisions consciously and subconsciously. Women wear push up bars, weave, and fake eye lashes because that is their image of beauty. Men lie about their income and lifestyle on a first date to seem more high status in an attempt to impress her.
This is another reason we lie, to protect that image of ourselves. The more important the person to us, the more likely we will lie to protect image because we hold their opinion in high regard.
Lies prevents us from getting in trouble in a relationship. It has become a defensive mechanism that as served has serves us from childhood. Despite the attempt of our parent to deter such behavior, it is not always successful. Mom catches you with blue paint on your face and the wall smothered with blue paint. She asked you who did this. We reply “The Plumber”.
This is similar to a cheating husband when he comes home late. When his wife asked him why was he out so late and smells like perfume. “Oh I had to work late with Jennifer”.
When you boil all down however, it is all because we want to protect ourselves. Sure on the front it seems we may have lied because we didn’t want to hurt the other persons feelings. But really it is because we don’t want to lose them and be alone. Its the fear of being alone.
That is the real reason why people lie in relationships. Ourselves. And it is when we overcome that selfish nature that we will be able to truly be honest to the person we love.